Critique: My Local High School’s Performance of Joseph and The Technicolor Dream Coat

SCULPTURE & ARTYesterday, I attended an early morning performance of Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat that was put on by our local high school. As one who is highly trained in the arts (I tried out for an Oscar Mayer Weiner Commercial at the tender age of five. If I’m still not referred to as “that weird child who pretended she was a hot dog the entire time” then I obviously did not do my job), I expect certain standards when attending such performances, and although there were things to my liking (the bathrooms were spotless and the flushing adequate enough to hide, say, an accidental passing of gas), there were also things that I feel necessary to point out in this critique.

1. The child next to me kept stepping on my Uggs. I don’t know if know what Uggs are, but they are ugly shoes that make other women jealous of me. It has something to do with the chemical make up of the wool.

2. The lighting was too low to wear eye liner. I don’t generally wear eye liner because I am not a lady of the night, but I imagine if a lady of the night were in attendance, she would feel quite alienated.

3. The people on stage seemed to be teenagers which personally offends me since I was born in the eighties. And can’t pull off bangs.

4. There was a loud noise, music I believe, that kept drowning out my cries for popcorn.

5. The woman at the door handing out programs was most rude and kept blatantly ignoring my line of questioning pertaining to her relationship with my Uncle Chuck from Fort Lauderdale. She kept insisting that she knows no “Chuck” and saying ludicrous things like, “Please stop touching my bra strap and asking if the underwire is comfortable.” Excuse me m’am, but not all of us have time to online shop and I can’t help that Dr. Pepper was put in my bottle as a baby, which as everyone knows, makes you more tactile and acceptable to short stints in the local jail.

6. The program was written in Lucida Sans. I don’t need to explain further.

7. When I stood in line with the cast at the end of the performance in the arts center’s foyer to shake hands with the audience, I was given a few passive aggressive glances by the woman child who played the pharaoh. She had bangs and wasn’t born in the eighties. My hate was palpable.

8. My car wouldn’t start when I returned to the parking lot. This wasn’t necessarily the performance’s fault, but one could argue that it wasn’t not its fault either. So there.

Truth be told, I do not recall the actual performance of the actors on stage due to their general lack of being born in the eighties and the riveting game of candy crush on my phone. I would go further in depth and describe the general ambiance of the play with more detail (the ceiling was void of water stains but it did resemble the bumpy terrain of my Aunt Jean’s chin), but alas, I have to write my Uncle Chuck and let him know that I finally found the whore, Carol, who stole his Beatles collection.

Until next time,

Ericka Clay, Local High School Play Reviewer

PLAY RATING: 2 1/2 baby bottles of Dr. Pepper

Facebook Pages Versus Facebook Groups

Ask Ericka Podcast Episode 3

From the last episode, you probably thought I was completely DONESKI with Facebook, but turns out our relationship isn’t completely severed. Listen to find out why I reactivated an old profile and how I plan to use my Facebook group, the ECReaders, to help promote my book.

LINK IT UP

Pssst! Because I love you guys, I’m sneaking ya a link to the paper back version of my novel – three days early! GRAB IT HERE!

Calling All Book Reviewers!

Ericka ClayYou guys! The time has come to get all serious about this “marketing my book” thang (yes, thang), so I’m extending an invitation to my book reviewing blogger friends to review Unkept!

I have epub and mobi versions of the novel that I can send your way in return for an honest review on your blog and Amazon.

Read the info about the book below, and if you’re interested, sign up through the contact form in this post. And if you’d like to know a little more about me, check out this page.

*I won’t necessarily be taking every blogger who applies, but if you have an established blog with a strong fan base and/or you bring it when it comes to critiquing the heck out of the written word, chances are, you’re in!

About the Book

TITLE: Unkept
GENRE: Women’s fiction
PUBLISHER: Bannerwing Books
WORD COUNT: 80, 608
AMAZON LINKhttp://amzn.com/0692378022
Unkept by Ericka ClayBLURB: As the live-in manager at her father’s funeral home in Burling Gates, Missouri, Vienna Oaks has succumbed to the mediocrity and abject loneliness of her life. Her days are suspended between the mundane and the misery of her clients’ throttling grief, of changing light bulbs, and encountering strangers as bereft as she. But after orchestrating the funeral for a little boy named Parker prompts a severe panic attack, she finds herself at a personal crossroads in which she is forced to confront the pregnancy she’s been hiding, her childhood nemesis, the boy she never stopped loving, and the deep-seated secret surrounding her mother’s death more than a decade before.

In another part of town, Heather Turnbull has just learned from her estranged father that her mother, a lifelong recluse, has died. When making arrangements for her funeral, Heather chooses Oaks Family Funeral home, where she comes face to face with Vienna – the woman she tortured throughout grade school, the woman who has recently had an affair with her husband.

Together, Vienna and Heather navigate through a makeshift friendship born of circumstance and devised to assuage their ambivalence towards motherhood and their tenuous relationship with reality, discovering, in tandem, the art of forgiveness and the will to go on.

With humor and poignancy, Ericka Clay’s debut novel, Unkept, explores the thorny landscape of childhood trauma and the ferocious politics between little girls — and the adults they become.

Thanks for contacting me, and I hope we get to work together!